December 9th - QMS Medicosmetics

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I have it on good authority (Claire & my mate Paul) that, in the world of online dating there is a code.

‘Nice pic’ means ‘Wanna bang?’

‘You’re a great guy/girl but’ means ‘You’re not interesting enough for me’

‘Take care x’ means ‘Go f**k yourself’

I’m much more au fait with the world of gifting. And let me tell you, a hand cream means one of two things.

‘I’m a bit useless’, or

‘I think you are old’

I have decided Liberty are in category 1 here, because any other option would frankly be depressing. No one wants a hand cream, Liberty. No one wants a functional gift from this calendar when they could have, say, a diptyque mini for example. #anydaynow. I reject your QMSmedicosmetics which I’m sure is quite good but I, like everyone else, already have zillions of hand creams from people who also fall into category 1. Unless…….No. No, I’m hungover and category 2 doesn’t bear thinking about.


My Christmas wish for a festive makeup thing next did NOT work. Today I’m in the house alone and still feeling rubbish and was so in need of a little cheer and glitz. But no! German medical-grade hand cream for my AGEING TIRED hands! I’ve tried a bit, and it’s very much like Norwegian formula but in a 90s QVC tube which I just know won’t dispense all the product till the end (‘The food here is terrible! And such small portions!’ - Annie Hall, 1977). The texture is very nice and I like the old fashioned smell but I am disappointed. Please tomorrow can I have something fun that doesn’t call me stressed or tired or ageing first thing????


Rebecca Humphries