December 20th - Aurelia
Comedy is all about timing, and what better way for Liberty to assert their sense of humour than when I stumbled in at 3, decided to open the calendar with my only free hand (the other holding a kebab found in the fridge), & discovered a roller for profound eye bags (canned laughter plays as Rebecca instantly sobers up & considers life choices)
Puffy eyes are my cross to bear, my eyes can honestly look like purple bao buns if I’ve not had 8 hours. The issue first came to prominence after I received the most wonderfully backhanded review in theatrical history - ‘Humphries is exceptionally convincing; she looks as though she’s lived a thousand lives, all of them exhausting’.
I‘ll try anything, and have done. Rollers, gels, patches, spoons in the freezer. I find the colder the better, and this roller is certainly that and smells lovely. It says it’s ‘probiotic’- what, am I supposed to eat it? Planning a guide to the best depuffers as we speak - will pop it up in time for the New Year detox.
This is lovely 😊 a dinky little gold Mum roll on for your eyes that smells of neroli. Probiotic is like a yakult, right? Good for your eye bacteria. (My husband just asked: ‘does probiotic mean dead plants? And wtf is neroli?’) Anyway I have I confession to make. I know what’s in the rest of the boxes (bar one!): today was the great exodus to my inlaws you see, and no room for little cardboard guided drawers in my coffin-esque suitcase. Sorry. I will act surprised though! But lads, we’re in for a good few days...
P.S It was NOT a kebab it was a QUESADILLA from the @germandonerkebabuk company and they’re DELICIOUS so don’t let Miss Coy fool you. One does not simply find a kebab in the fridge. It is placed there for safekeeping. By me.🥙