NARS Velvet Lip Glide

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The experience of shopping at a NARS concession can feel a bit like you’re the handyman in a porno. Just innocently walking in to get the job done and suddenly surrounded by erotic imagery and words like ‘stripped’ and ‘grind’ and ‘stickitinthereyafilthybitch’ (or something) and you’ve got to make your choice to get on board or put your head down and pretend it’s not happening.

I’m no prude, but this handyman was just there to get something to liven up her wintry pallid face. Step forward Velvet lip glide in an array of striking and rich shades. Say what you like about Nars, they are not afraid of a strong pink and nor am I (apart from their best selling blusher, ‘Orgasm’ which is supposed to mimic the flush you get when you reach climax but is so strong that maybe the people developing it were only having sex with clowns).

I went for the semi-matte gloss in ‘Impossible Red’, as one of my favourite things to do is pit red lip products off against one another. This one has a texture all its own; really creamy and shiny and has a PVC quality that felt in line with their sex branding. I’m a big fan of a matte lip as we know, but even I have limits in cold weather where dry lips & matte = I might as well have stayed at home picking flakes off my mouth all day. This one slides around in manner of lube which I suspect is deliberate.

It was when I stepped outside of the brightly lit comfort of Libertys and into the natural light that I realised ‘Impossible Red’ was exactly that. In that it was pink. A very hot, very near-red-pink, but still frickin pink. Obviously my stupid mistake is no reason to steer clear from the product altogether. But it was also clear from my mirror compact that another layer of the product was warranted, as the coverage wasn’t anywhere near as full as I would expect for something of this price. I layered it, and yeah the colour was better but in doing so the ‘semi-matte’ status is completely null and void. It begs the question ‘Can there actually be any such thing as semi-matte?’. I’d argue no.

At £23 a pop, it’s too much money for it to be even slightly disappointing. I’d be much more inclined to stick with MAC retro matte liquid and spend the fiver difference on a posh doughnut or something. I can finger it and pretend I was in NARS.

NARS velvet lip glide in Impossible Red, £23

Rebecca Humphries