‘Ooooh, my glossier order arrived!’ said my colleague, ripping open the millennial pink jiffy bag that had landed on her desk. Like with ‘Roisin Murphy’ I was relieved that someone had finally said the name out loud in front of me : ‘Glossier’ as in ‘Dossier’, it turns out. She shook the contents out on to her desk: a microscopic tube of tinted brow gel called ‘boy brow’, two gouache like tubes of cream blusher called ‘cloud paint’ and a slim white lipstick called something else clever I can’t be bothered to google.
With a nauseating wave of longing for my own exciting little pink jiffy bag, I went online and ordered the exact same stuff whilst breathing heavily.
The boy brow is the best thing that I now use all the time. I mean, it’s just brown hair gel in a weeny tube and really shouldn’t be any different to miss sporty or whatever other scheissebrand I usually get brow gel from, but somehow it’s good and enough without pencil or nuffink.
The cloud paint is also v good but I hate the colour I got. I like a peachy blush, and this sort of looked dusky rose online but it is BRIGHT purple pink and makes me look a bit Noddy unless I am very very careful, which I’m not.
The lipstick is meant to be a sort of non-lipstick: matte and sheer and effortless blah blah blah but actually it drags a bit on my lips and the colour goes all patchy after 20 minutes and I also hate the colour that arrived.
Weirdly, instead of swearing off the products I don’t like the shade of, I’m filled with the urge to just order different ones. What’s that about? There must be something to it.
Anyway – it all brought joy. And I felt part of the Glossier gang of effortlessly beautiful hipster sirens. For a bit. Soooooo, sort of worth it?!
Boy Brow, £14
Cloud Paint, £15
Generation G Sheer Matte Lipstick, £14