Superior Cover Versions
Much is made of originality, but can we just discuss for a moment those occasions where the dupe surpasses the thing which, ahem, inspired it?
Like Jimi Hendrix’s ‘All Along the Watchtower’, ‘You were always on my mind’ by the Pet Shop Boys, or ‘Valerie’ by Amy Winehouse, sometimes the cover version is just…better. Below are several products which for me, are an improvement on the original.
Nivea Crème, £2.99 VS. Crème de La Mer, £60
We kick off with this banger. I mean let’s not get too much into the finger-pointing realms of who copied who but this is SHAMELESS whoever dunnit. The similarity in texture is SHOCKING. Apparently the stuff in the tin is better than the stuff in the tub.
The Body Shop Lip & Cheek Stain, £8 VS. Benefit Benetint, £25.50
To me, blush is an absolute essential. Much like Noddy, I do not leave the house without my cheeks on. Cream and powder blush are great, but for some reason seem to disappear from my face within 10 minutes of stepping out my front door (WHERE does it all go? Is it the WIND???). My quest for a cheek stain began with Benetint, which is OK but unruly: If it seeps into a little dry patch of a certain size it looks exactly like a spider vein. Body Shop tint is It’s a full 17 quid cheaper and I like the formula better. The Benetint is a runny liquid, and to avoid weird stains one must HAUL ASS, as Cher Horowitz would say: TBS is more of a spunky gel and thus easier to blend.
Maybelline Colour Tattoo, £5.99 VS. MAC Pro Longwear Paint Pot, £16.50
Continuing my quest for an indelible face of slap comes Maybelline’s Colour Tattoo, a cream eyeshadow that I appear to have purchased in every shade. I absolutely cannot tell the difference between these and MAC paint pots, except that I think they blend slightly more easily and I like that I can just quickly pick one up at boots along with my Nurofen and Lil-Lets rather than having to go up to a sparrow like 20 year old with lilac hair and painted on cheekbones in the nightclubbish hellfire that is any MAC stand.
Sleek blush in Rose Gold, £4.99 VS. NARS Orgasm, £25
This is better than the original in that it’s exactly the same colour, which I’ve discovered I hate, but have wasted only £4.99 Rather than £25. Bravo!
NYX Micro Brow Pencil, £9 VS. Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Definer, £24
Anastasia Beverly Hills as a brand makes me think of an eccentric elderly lady in a big dark mansion all the kids dare each other to trick-or-treat (a la Edward Scissorhands). Upon googling, I’ve discovered that Anastasia herself is originally from Romania, which does a good line in big spooky gothic castles so I’m not entirely wrong. Anyway, the NYX is a veh veh similar product to her famous pencil, and I think the brown is flatter and muddier, which is what you want for a brow I think. They’re virtually indistinguishable if you swatch them on your hand, big creepy mansions aside.
Collection 2000 Lasting Perfection Concealer, £4.19 VS. Nars Radiant Creamy Concealer, £24
So of course the collection 2000 concealer doesn’t have the gorgeous porny packaging of the NARS, but if you can find this (it’s weirdly elusive and I have to go to the big giant Superdrug on the Strand for it) it is truly excellent: it does that thing which the NARS was seemingly thought peerless at, which is heavy duty creamy but NOT cakey and WON’T to settle creepily into lines (grim).
C.Y.O Matte lot of Good lipstick, £2 VS. Glossier Generation G Sheer Matte Lip Tint, £14
If you want a lipstick that drags and sort of stays put in the little shitty dry patches of your mouth, but when freshly dabbed on looks insouciant and French, save yourself £12 and buy the C.Y.O. Bonne Chance!