Books & Looks
It’s Book Day, the bane of parents the world over! But why should the kids have all the fun? And though apparently lots of fellas still find it highly contentious that you can be smart, well read and enjoy make up…..we don’t. We’re hard back volumes who don’t deserve to be thumbed through by the likes of them anyway.
So we had a little think of what our favourite literary heroines might slap on, and had a lot of fun in the process.
Because after all. Beauty is in the eye of the book holder.
(I just came up with that. On the spot. *goes all Elizabeth Bennett, makes teasing eye contact then historical dances off*)
Wendy Darling from ‘Peter Pan’ by J.M Barrie (CLAIRE)
I very much relate to Wendy as I too am the person always worried and going ‘Hang on guys - no what about - let’s be careful’ blah blah blah whilst everyone else runs around like sexy rock’n’roll lost boys covered in eyeliner. Life is made of messer-uppers and picker-uppers – and lads, I’m the latter. My product for fellow picker-upper Wendy is Dr Bronner’s Lavender hand sanitizer (£4.99), which smells divine and has lovely packaging, which I’m happy to stare at all day as I nervously problem solve at work.
Amy March from ‘Little Women’ by Louisa May Alcott (REBECCA)
Amy March is literature’s ultimate underhanded toerag and she gives me life. Don’t like not being invited to the party? Burn your sister’s most precious possession / life’s work. Same sister dreams of going to Paris? Get inexplicably good at painting & you’ll be snaffling choux before you can say ‘Au revoir, bitch’. Oh, and while you’re there why not just shag and then marry her first boyfriend and not tell anyone until it’s done?
She’s the horrendous strop of a little sister I always longed to be. She’s Kylie Jenner, biding her time before she comes for the others. I’m calling that now. There’s only one thing for Amy March, and that’s excessive contour & highlight. The Hourglass Ambient Lighting Palette (£56) then.
Miss Havisham from ‘Great Expectations’ by Charles Dickens (CLAIRE)
She’s just sat there stewing and bitter going ‘FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR YOUTH AND YOUR YOUNG LOVE I WISH YOU MISERYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!’ which we’ve all felt watching some 20-something arseholes with lightning metabolisms snog at a bus stop/restaurant/waiting room. She is ‘a mood’, as the kids say these days. For her I prescribe a bottle of Dior Poison (£65) – you can’t be ignored when you’re wearing this, and the heavy glass bottle hurls well.
Hermione Grainger from the Harry Potters by J.K. Rowling (REBECCA)
I would go the obvious route here and cite countless hair products but Grainger works & owns her frizz. Her frizzshake brings all the Rons to the yard. She doesn’t need any help from me. So, as one know it all to another, I offer this Skog Forest Candle from Skandinavisk (£29) which I bought for myself from Copenhagen airport and am in love with. It has a super hygge, ‘Griffindor common room at Christmas’ scent of pine trees and aged leather armchairs, and obviously candles are quite magic aren’t they?
Rachel Walsh from ‘Rachel’s Holiday’ by Marian Keyes (CLAIRE)
Pre-rehab Rachel Walsh would absolutely be wearing the very zeitgeisty Charlotte Tilbury Pillow Talk liner and lipstick (£16/£24), whilst necking a cocktail in the Llama Lounge (mid juicy flashback before the dread sets in). At the Cloisters – Ireland’s equivalent to the Priory – I’d send Rachel a pack of these Skin Laundry sheet masks (£38) to bring her nearer to the spa experience she was expecting, but remind her to take them off before group therapy.
Bridget Jones from ‘Bridget Jones’ Diary’ by Helen Fielding (REBECCA)
I could sit here til pinot o’clock drawing parallels between myself and this work of fiction but I won’t insult your intelligence. Instead, I will offer up to Bridget Jones exactly what I am currently lusting after; a Susanne Kaufmann Oil Bath for the Senses (£44), hair of the dog and a fuckwit free existence.
Rachel Samstat from ‘Heartburn’ by Nora Ephron
Betrayed, pregnant, heartbroken Rachel needs some comfort, and probably some sugar. I would therefore prescribe to her a Laura Mercier Creme Brûlée Honey bath (£37), and a slice of Key Lime Pie (and maybe a Latke) to eat in it.
Scarlett O’Hara from ‘Gone with the Wind’ by Margaret Mitchell (REBECCA)
….is one of those characters who when you’re a kid you think ‘I’d give ANYTHING to be her and get whipped up those stairs by a drunk man’ then as you grow up you realise what an entirely horrendous, fucked up thing it would be to be Scarlett O’Hara. What with all the deaths and the marriages and the hatred of any other woman and the ingrained-but-no-less-stark racism. And then you realise that drunken stair sequence is all kinds of not OK.
Let’s, then, go more Vivien Leigh in the film than Scarlett O’Hara in the book. For Vivien is a lesson. If she can retain inner opulence through the American Civil war, you can get your shit together in a colder-than-usual March. I suggest a Laura Mercier Caviar eyeshadow stick in Khaki, and something velvet.
Side note: Melanie Wilkes = E45 cream.