Witchy Things


I owe it to our delightfully grounded and down to earth following to expose myself, as it were. I’m into witch shit. No, not like ‘watches The Craft once then cracks out the ouija board once everyone’s had a few’. Not ‘wants to suck lives out of children like in Hocus Pocus’, or ‘ELVES AND FAIRIES ARE REAL’ or worst of all ‘grown adult who’s been to one too many Cosplay events and is now convinced will any moment will receive Hogwarts letter’ (people genuinely believe this).

More like a kind of benevolent, ‘I believe in stuff but I still got pills to pay yo’ way. Like Sabrina, or Samantha from Bewitched. Just a normal everyday life but a bit more spicy. I’m not here to convince anybody of anything, but I’ll get it all out of the way and list the things I believe in so we can all get on with our lives:

The universe, energies, spirits, crystals, the moon, essential oils, signs, reiki, healers, birthstones, spirit animals, familiars, connection, meditation, the power of positivity, manifestation, vibes, that you have to be open to believing this stuff for it to work.

Still with me? Good. Here’s some stuff for you:


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Oh yeah, we do inner and outer beauty over here on the Trowel. I was given a rose quartz last year and both times I’ve thought I’ve lost it I’ve felt bereft. Both those times, on seeing and touching it again I’ve felt a rush of happiness. This lovely little kit is not only incredibly beautiful in terms of pastel tones, shiny/sparkliness but it’s a very nice thing to sit with and fondle and think nice things about yourself like I imagine Gwyneth Paltrow does every day between vag steaming.



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If you just take a moment, take a deep breath, then take a whopping great whiff of an essential oil it has the ability to change your mood entirely. Orange is my favourite as it wakes me up and makes me happy and once did it in the face of a parking ticket that was frankly a load of BOLLOCKS *takes another sniff*



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An amazing detoxifier, ideal if your body is under stress as they work to clear you of energy we absorb from modern day gadgets. Or, if you don’t believe in that stuff, to relax you and sort aching muscles out. I will never for the life of me understand how beauty brands can sell pure salt at upwards of £30 a tub. This is exactly the same thing - one ingredient, literal salt of the earth. If you’ve a craving to put it in something beautiful go to Robert Dyas and pick up a glass jar.



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This is always sold out, sign up to get one. We all know I’m a big fan of this, review here. But in general I love jade. It means wisdom. A beautiful pal gave me a jade bracelet last year to ground me and I wore it every day and to bed and if I felt funny I looked down at it and whether it was the jade or the kindness from the friend, it would help me remember to stand on my two feet and take a deep breath. I had to throw it away, as once the green turns dirty looking you’ve sapped all the power or something and you’re basically walking around with nasty spirits on your wrist, but the roller remains. God. I do sound mad actually now I read it back.



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Conscious of treading a fine line between ‘likes a nice bath with Enya on’ mainstream spiritual and ‘thinks this water is infused with the moon’ spiritual with this one but I love it. It’s a blend of Himalayan salt, essential oils and crystal water and was made under a full moon, my absolute favourite. What can I say except it was recommended to me by somebody that truly changed my life for the better, and that whenever I’ve used it I’ve felt instantly more at home with myself? Not much. But what I would say is that if you’re over 5% skeptical of this business, this one isn’t for you.

Incidentally it’s the same price as Aveda’s chakra body sprays but I just can’t believe that a million dollar company takes the same care over its products as this small business so in a way just by buying it I’m beating the system.


I would absolutely LOVE to hear Claire’s take on this; my new found Barbara Streisand in Meet the Fockers spiritual existence. I’ll be teaching geriatrics tantric sex next.

Rebecca Humphries