I cannot get on board with gloves. I get why they make sense, but thanks to the invention of the iphone, newspapers and fiddly stuff at the bottom of my bag, my hands seem to be doing shit all the time that I can barely manage as it is let alone with a wooly covering. It leaves us with three options:
-Fingerless gloves, like Fagin
-Gloves with special iphone sensors, like Steve Jobs
-Blue little frozen spikes where you hands were, like the Judderman (this is an EXCELLENT reference to a schnapps advert from the late 90s that I would recommend you watch/revisit).
Because it is cold. It is really frickin cold, and while the rest of my body is lathered in Uniqlo Heattech my little blue hands are out front, taking the brunt. It is time to spoil them with the array of creams and balms listed below, ranging from the medical grade for those who’ve experienced the unfortunate skin splits, to ones so sweet smelling and lovely you’ll want to rub it right up your arms.
AESOP RESURRECTION AROMATIQUE, £19
I use this every day, as for some reason the scent connects with me in a way that if they sold it as a pure fragrance I would stock right up. This is genuinely so aromatique that you can save on perfume, and I do. Not only that, the metal tube is satisfying to squeeze and makes me feel strong like a lady Hulk.
They also sell it as a pump, in 500ml, which is an absolutely mad thing to have in your house as it’s entirely untransportable but is always a pleasure to come across in the bathroom of hipster coffee shops and advertising agencies, sitting there like the ultimate humble brag. You’ll notice it from now on.
ATRIXO INTENSIVE PROTECTION CREAM, £4.99
This was recommended by Claire’s husband Sean’s mum Breda, who has cultivated quite the lust list of brilliant creams during her time as a chiropodist (or ‘foot queen’ as I prefer), in an attempt counteract the damage done by all that medical stuff. Quite a few of these come with Breda’s seal of approval, and as someone who can’t get enough of aloe vera this is high on my list too.
NEUTROGENA NORWEGIAN FORMULA, £3.99
I have a massive back log of these as I’ve been receiving one per Christmas from my mum for years. Mums and hand creams eh? Hand cream has only recently been something I’ve experienced the true joys of, so I was always underwhelmed and slightly resentful that it had taken the place of something I actually wanted to receive, like more chocolate. But mums know you’ll thank them one day. They always know.
BAG BALM, £9.49
Quite why aforementioned husband-to-Claire Sean Rigby knew every detail of the story of this brand is beyond me, but I enjoyed it immensely and so I share it with you. Bag Balm is a salve that was developed in 1899 to soothe irritation on cows' udders after milking. The farmers who had been applying it suddenly realised they all had the softest, most luxurious hands in all the land (and their cows boobs were even lovelier) so they started distributing it and selling it off. If it’s good enough for our bovine friends it’s good enough for me, and the packaging is old school bovine-tastic. Incidentally I can’t decide whether the name of my band will be ‘Cow Boobs’ or ‘Bovine Friends’ but it will definitely be one of the two.
LANOLIPS LEMON HAND CREAM INTENSE, £8.99
Look at that packaging, this is an enviable thing to hoist out of your backpack. It’s a great texture and if the lemon fragrance won’t quite transport you from rush hour Bakerloo line to Sicily it will certainly cheer you up. Also available in the other Turkish Delight flavour; rose.
GLOVES IN A BOTTLE SHIELDING LOTION, £4.99
Sometimes it’s just nice not to muck about, and this does exactly what it says on the bottle. Goes a step further in protecting your hands with an invisible shield, which I know sounds a bit mad and like something they’d spout in a crap advert, but I’ve no reason not to believe it as the reviews speak for themselves. Excellent for people with dermatitis and other skin conditions also.
L’OCCITAINE SHEA BUTTER HAND CREAM, £21.50
Containing honey & almond and smelling of Jasmine. One of gorgeous and underrated brand L’Occitaine’s best sellers. They source their shea (can someone help me to pronounce this? Shay? Shee?) butter with women’s co-operatives in West Africa, supporting local education projects and empowering women. Pretty excellent then.
KIEHL’S ULTIMATE STRENGTH HAND SALVE, £15
I’m not a diehard Kiehl’s fan like some, but do acknowledge that it isn’t going to let you down. This is an excellent product that’s not big on the fragrance front but hard wearing. It’s towards the bottom of the list because sometimes on a freezing cold day I’m too grumpy enter a shop full of people in lab coats, only to turn around and come face to face with a skeleton. Mortality isn’t something I’d like to consider in this weather, on top of everything else.