Tomorrow is Back To Work day for me and let me tell you kids, I feel dreadful. January 6th and the world feels at its most cold and grey, much like my post-merriment skin. It all feels like a very large comedown, with nothing but drudgery and diet bollocks and misery on the horizon. I am feeling very sorry for myself and what’s more guilty for feeling so - I’m acutely aware that loads of people have had to work their socks off all Christmas. My years working in service are not long behind me and I thank and salute you all.
Still, warranted or not, a mood’s a mood and I can’t be alone. What then, to cheer and lift us all a little? Well nothing at first as I’ve decided to go with the flow and have a good wallow. I’ve also done the below and find myself somewhat cheered, but don’t worry: I’ve not transformed into some gurning Pollyanna. Feel the low ebb friends - then change your nail polish, take a deep breath, and get on with it all.
SAINSBURY’S QUICHE LORRAINE, £1.40
First thing I did was go to Sainsbury’s and bought a delicious quiche and three bunches of cheap tulips for myself.
O.P.I NAIL LACQUER IN ‘MY CHIHUAHUA BITES’, £13.50
I then went and had my nails done at the local nail place that I like. They poignantly sanded off my glittery Christmas manicure and it felt great. I’ve gone for a medium, Betty Draper-esque coral to go with my sulky mood. I also got to channel my rage towards a ghastly woman who was on her phone the entire time she was getting her manicure, which I think is so rude and very much bursts the bubble of calm that is the nail place. I loudly said ‘Oof that’s nice!’ when she left and everyone laughed because I’m a legend and she’s awful.
WAITROSE GINGER & CLEMENTINE BATH FOAM, £2
Now for a hot bath. With the nice products you perhaps got for Christmas. This from Waitrose is also excellent and very very cheap. But better than any oil or potion is this 100% waterproof ipad cover, which will enable you to peer spitefully at facebook whilst fully immersed. I may also have a diet coke in there.
ANTHROPOLOGIE HEADBAND, £16.95
Absolutely not washing my hair today. After a liberal dousing of batiste, I’ve popped a tropical print headband on and now if you squint I look almost cheerful. You could get this lovely one from Anthropologie in the sale if you were quick.
HEADSPACE, Free! (for the basics…)
Great pleasure and calm is to be found disobeying Andy on Headspace. Eyes open? Ha! Mine are shut! Sitting down comfortably? I’m entirely supine, Andy. In through the nose and out the the mouth? NO. You get the idea. Slightly not doing what I’m told throughout has been the key to me enjoying headspace. Yes, I’m that petty.
ADELE BY LEILA SLIMANI, £12.99
I’m reading the delightfully depressing and slightly raunchy Adele by Leila Slimani. It’s out soon in English - sorry, I’m smugly reading the french version. If you haven’t read Lullaby then I would highly recommend it for a similar sombre vibe. Anyway, the point is continuing the wallow with a sinister book.
NEAL’S YARD BEE LOVELY HAND CREAM, £10
I’ve been rubbing this into my hands all day whilst sat on the sofa hate-watching ‘Say Yes to the Dress’ in a big grubby jumper. It’s very nice and smells of marmalade and saves the bees - what more could you want? Consider it my very small nod to veganuary.
I’ll feel better soon and so will you. Happy New Year!