Passive aggressive gifts from the Boots 3 for 2 offer (for enemies)

by Claire


Unicorns, mermaids, mini marmalades and an olympic sized swimming pool’s worth of branded body spray - it’s the dregs of the Boots 3 for 2 Christmas offer! Embrace your pettiest you by giving these super passive aggressive gifts.

FCUK Body Spray Trio £10


Up first is this body spray trio from FCUK in three stinks: Vintage, Sport and Urban. The amount of body spray on offer here is absolutely mad. WHO is using this stuff???? Surely you would just use a deodorant and a perfume/aftershave. It all smells like air freshener and I don’t know who it’s for.

Delicious Art Preserve and Marmalade set £16


I have no issue with preserves, but buying them from boots feels wrong, like eating a jam sandwich in the bathroom.

Joules Bath Fizzers Gift Set £6


These come in an egg carton emblazoned with the words  ‘Plop Splash Enjoy’ and a lone one star review on their website.

TGI Fridays Fajita Set  £20


Here we have a small cast iron ‘sizzler’ pan and three kinds of fajita seasoning, from a restaurant you’d be embarrassed to bump into someone outside of. Honestly baffling.

Krispy Kreme Strawberries And Kreme Bath Fizzer £4


Krispy Kreme????? Basically like giving someone thrush. Doughnuts are for eating, not stewing in.

Zoella Lifestyle A Year to Cheer Desk Calendar £10


If you have a desk, you’re too old for Zoella.

Harry Potter Slytherin bath fizzer  £5


The most passive aggressive present I have seen in quite some time.

Ted Baker Fragrant Jewels £8.50


Ted Baker fragrant jewels sounds like Ted baker’s severed testicles in a gift box and god knows how this got through any sort of marketing team/product development panel.

FCUK Boxers & Body Duo Gift £16


You could really do quite some damage to someone’s sexual self esteem with this.

All about that baste Christmas dinner flavoured lip balm £2.50


The most laboured, disgusting sounding thing on here, and that takes some doing.

Unicorn hoopla £8


I know this is a bit of fun and whimsy but the amount of unicorn tat on these god forsaken 59 pages of boots gifts is unreal. You are not a unicorn. You are a 27 year old HR assistant in Solihull. I have disdain for them all, but have chosen the unicorn hoopla game as the category representative because it has an hilarious choking hazard warning on it, which I suppose makes me just as regressive as the unicorn lovers.

The Food Medic lunch box £12


So it’s….a lunch box? For only ‘food medic’ approved health food? That’s empty? That’s £12? Ok. Thanks. It’s great *weak smile*

Claire Rigby